by Mopey Tutter
Price verified 5 hours ago
BORN TO RAID
SOUTH IS A FUCK
Free Em All 1859
I am john brown
410,747,864,530 DEAD CONFEDERATES
"When rogue artificial animal flesh evolved, escaped containment and colonized our planet, killing billions, that was a very bad thing, and we shouldn't let that happen again." The New York Times' Kricholas Nistof came to such an insightful conclusion in his recent book, The M3AT Disaster. Beefsquad's account of that calamity is less astute, owing perhaps to all the suckfucking, fucksucking and robots. But the story is essentially the same: a bunch of podcasters versus a beefy apocalypse and a wet president.
"They say, folks, they tell me my works -- I have the best works. Look, look up -- check out my works, folks. Isn't it great? Don't we love it? We love it. My works are mighty. Never let them tell you my works aren't mighty." -President of America Ronald Gunt
Beefsquad is an epic tale with many winding tendrils. There is M3AT, a meatgod, Earth's prospective exterminator. There is Abaddon the Destructor, Lord of the Bottomless Pit, who shows up around chapter twenty. But more important are our heroes, the podcasters:
Bill Winnower, Lucky Honest, Ros Rime, Mort Crassman and Dante Arkansas of Escobar Drug Den.
Savvy Herakles, Mick Sullen and Ian Smith of Semen City.
And on the West Coast...
Man Darlin, Def Z. Javis, Sponsor Shoulderton and Bob Cobb of Darlinville.
Talk Awkwardman, Tom K. Paulkins, Dandy Weakly and Mason Zantoukas of Humor Toot! Toot!
Separately, and sometimes together, these disparate bands must overcome rampaging beef, racism, the dipshit Gunt family, murderous androids, lizard people and a few zombies. Can the world be saved? Is it worth saving? Not really but what else were they gonna do.
Allies abound -- bodybuilders, Puerto Ricans, Max Payne, Elan Husk (sort of), and a conman -- but enemies are everywhere: Cowed Boys, Zorg Fuckerberg, RaceBook and the rest of Silicate Vale, an incorporated man, a guy with two swords, Jeffrey Epstein and ...
Genre: Humor & Satire
Length: 773 Pages (2,371 KB)Lending: EnabledAdded: Oct 1st, 2020