Nice Knowing You by Phil Torcivia (16 Reviews)    Price verified 3 hours ago

Are you single? Divorced or widowed, perhaps? Are you having your second, third, or fourth go at soul mate searching? Me too! Do you look around at paired-up peeps and wonder why you haven't been picked yet? Or, as I have learned, do you acknowledge the happy couple and snicker silently because you know where they're heading? In the eight years since my divorce, I've gone on hundreds of dates. Now, I could consider that a problem, which I should have taken responsibility for after failure, say, number twenty. On the other hand, I can see it as a natural process for someone with such discerning tastes. Either way, if I don't vent about my struggle I'm going to cramp up and need a new jacket and rubber walls. So, come with me on my little journey here in my sixth book on the subject. (There's no end in sight.) I must warn you that I enjoy swearing and writing about sex. You're going to see the F-word quite a few times in the following pages. If that ultra-flexible word is going to leave a bruise, put the fucking book down now. If it tickles you, follow me into hell in a wine bottle. Excerpt from Nice Knowing You -- Equations • Woman + (Martini x 3) = Phil - (10 x Year) - (10 x Pound) • Mexican + Leaf Blower = Phil - Sleep • Cat x 2 = 0 x Vagina • Phil + (Time x Lots) = This • Bartender + Cleavage = Phil - Money (not Phil + Sex) • Bed - Woman = (0 x Interruptions) + Farts • Shower + Soap - Woman + Imagination = Drain Babies + Disgust • Cougar + La Crema Chardonnay + Big Ring + Bedazzle = Lay-up • Phil + Feather on a Stick = 2 x Confused Cat • Rear Window Decal = Minivan + Douche • (Tequila x 4) + (Woman - Looks) = Mating Option • Salad + Cherry Tomato = Stain

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Nice Guy Syndrome by Phil Torcivia (4 Reviews)    Price verified 8 hours ago

What is Nice Guy Syndrome? Nice Guy Syndrome is an affliction where a heterosexual male is frustrated because he finds himself caged within the friend zone of women he'd prefer to be dating. Often, he is a kind and sympathetic person who listens well, and lends a shoulder for women to cry on. He's loved and admired, but not the type of fellow women sleep with. If there is a hell, this is it, and I'm in the penthouse. I was raised to be a nice guy. My relatives and teachers instilled in me the importance of: • Treating women gently • Protecting and providing for women • Listening to women without judging • Understanding what it is women want, even when they don't say the words • Opening and holding doors for women • Handling certain tasks for women • Writing love notes to women • Complimenting women I'm a master of the above and, thereby, block my own access to the physical parts of women I long for. So, what's a nice guy to do? Should I shed my skin, get a Harley and tattoos, lose all concern for how I'm perceived, and begin banging lonely chicks by the dozen, just to please my pecker? I can't do it. All I can do is vent, and hope someday, some woman will realize she deserves something better than bad boy bruises. Women love it. "Only in the head of Mr. Torcivia will you find such a mix of wise truth about men and their behavior. Don't read this smut in the middle of the airport, LOL, or you will find your face turning the same color as this book cover." - Cathy Cook "Congrats to Phil Torcivia on the newest book! Here's hoping I don't get my Kindle taken away from me by my Doctor's assistant for giggling too loudly in the exam room." - Anita-Michelle Miller "Phil's day to day kindness and sharing of relationships knows no bounds. I most definitely did not believe in the Nice Guy Syndrome until this book. Romantic, delicious with a touch of intrigue and blood." - Gracey Castro Read this book and laugh with (not at) me. Seriously. ...

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

The Big Fish... Never Mind the Baltics (The Big Fish Tails Book 5) by Mike Williams (8 Reviews)    Price verified 8 hours ago

The Big Fish has been back on his travels and this time it's the Baltic. Never mind though...

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Nice Meeting You by Phil Torcivia (23 Reviews)    Price verified 8 hours ago

A divorced man continues his hilarious search for true love as he struggles to learn what women really want. Excerpt from Nice Meeting You - Breakup Form Letter Dear [insert name of the person you will no longer be sleeping with, unless you get really drunk and lonely], I [have enjoyed/was bored by/regretted] our relationship but [unfortunately/fortunately/thank freaking God] it has come to an end. You're a real [special/nice/stupid] person, and I'm doing this in print so that you don't have any misconceptions about why our relationship is over. Here are the main reasons why I [don't love you anymore/need a break/can no longer stand the sight of you]: [Insert all that apply.] • You smell. • You're a slob. • Your [pets/children/family] are nuisances. • You're cheap. • I found your Match.com profile, and it is chock full of lies. (Athletic and Toned? Really?) • You don't wash your [sheets/shirts/self] often enough. • You're a Boston [Celtics/Red Sox/anything] fan. • You dress as if you're going to a [trailer-park party/high school gym class/luau/funeral]. • Your taste in [food/wine/TV shows/movies/music/coffee] sucks. • I found compromising pictures of you on [your cell phone/Facebook/my friend's phone]. • Whereas you used to [workout/run/surf] multiple times weekly, now you spend more time [riding the couch/playing video games/surfing porn]. • You haven't bought me [jewelry/flowers/chocolate/squat-ola] in months. • I'd rather pay twice the rent than have to stare at your [fat/hairy/bald] [back/butt/head] for another night. • I've met someone [nicer/better/prettier/more handsome/less annoying]. All that remains for us to settle at this point is the following: • [I am/You are] keeping the [sofa/pictures/videos/ring]. • Please [leave my stuff in a bag on your front porch/bring my stuff to my place, and maybe we'll have farewell sex/donate my stuff to Goodwill, except my toothbrush, you ass]. • You [are/are not] ...

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

What a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia (25 Reviews)    Price verified 10 hours ago

Do you know any nice guys? Perhaps you're married to or good friends with one. Well, consider the possibility that this nice guy is so frustrated with his relationship failures that he needs to vent to keep from turning into a bad boy with anger issues. Then, try not to spit hot coffee as you read his sarcastic rants about why men and women don't seem to fit. Excerpt from What a Nice Guy -- Snippity Doo Dah My initial vasectomy consultation is scheduled for today and I can't get this song out of my head: Snippity doo dah, snippity aye, My, oh my, what a wonderful day! None of my sperm is going to stray. Snippity doo dah, snippity aye. Mister blue balls getting older, No child support It's so practical. Everything's satisfactual! (Everbody now... ) Snippity doo dah, snippity aye, Rubberless feelings coming my way! If you're staring at this page with mouth agape, you're either my mother or a fertile woman. Men, can I have an amen? You betcha. Look, ladies, I turn fifty this year. I need offspring like I need square dancing lessons. If I were to have one of my little guys actually find an egg, that would make me almost seventy by the time Junior went to prom. I'd be riding my daughter down the aisle on my scooter. I've done the math. It costs $800, which is equivalent to twenty morning-after pills, two abortions, or a case of Silver Oak wine. I'll sacrifice the latter for peace of mind. It is also one-hundredth the cost of a college education, one-tenth the cost of a used car (plus repairs), and half the cost of outgrown sneakers. I know, I know. "You still need to wear condoms. What about STDs?" That's true (and it sucks), but it makes the whole process less stressful when breakage or slippage occurs. Actually, I think I've only had a rubber break once in my life. Slippage has happened numerous times. (OK, stop with the tiny penis jokes.) I'm sure we've all had that shocking/embarrassing moment when ole Willy leaves the party without his ...

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Being the Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia (2 Reviews)    Price verified 11 hours ago

It's not easy being the nice guy. Would you rather your man be genuine or nice? Don't you want honesty? To be the nice guy I must constantly look for your best traits, admire them, remind you how much I appreciate them (but, not too often as that would be creepy), and avoid any sensitive areas. This is a chore I must endure if I'm to maintain any friends or lovers. Sad. Well, this book in my Nice Guy series lays out a bunch of crass, sarcastic, swear-word-laden essays chronicling my best efforts, which have failed because I still have two cats and zero vaginas in my bed. I hope that you vicariously enjoy my relationship struggles and that they somehow make your relationship situation seem so much better. You're welcome.

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Just a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia (29 Reviews)    Price verified 14 hours ago

Is it true that nice guys finish last? It sure seems that way as a divorced man fights his way through a comedic dating scene. Will he ever find his soul mate? Phil has been called the male version of Carrie Bradshaw. Enjoy his humorous essays about relationships and the struggles we all have finding and keeping lovers. Women appreciate his open view into the minds of men. Artist Mike Swaim adds to the hilarity with his brilliant sketches, giving another dimension to Phil's quest for love. Excerpt from Just a Nice Guy - Commitment Test for Men Men say they are ready for monogamy, but are they just saying that to hasten the clothing removal process? I've put together a simple test a woman can give her man to see if he is truly ready or just a horny bastard. 1. When I see Kim Kardashian's butt on TV, I... a. Drool. b. Sport wood. c. Give thanks and praise. d. Change the channel. 2. The thing I look forward to most about getting married is... a. The built-in maid I get to have sex with. b. The bachelor party. c. Not having to date. d. Companionship. 3. If my woman asks me to stay home with her and watch Grey's Anatomy... a. I laugh, grab my keys, and head to the nudie bar. b. I whine and pout. c. I agree, as long as she agrees to provide oral favors afterward. d. I rub her feet while we hang on every word. 4. Her friends make me want to... a. Touch myself. b. Wear noise-cancelling headphones. c. Find excuses to avoid them. d. Be one of the girls and hang out. 5. If times get tough and we have to move in with her parents... a. I'll beg to be euthanized. b. I'll become a meth addict. c. I'll lock myself in a room and play Xbox. d. I'll contribute by doing household chores and mowing the lawn. 6. A fun honeymoon would include... a. My bride's confession of bisexuality. b. Seats along the third base line. c. A topless beach. d. Riding horses on the beach with my new soul mate. 7. Once married, I would no longer... a. Trim my ball hair as often. b. Chase curvy ...

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

I Am Not Your Guru (Yet): Until you read this book; then I totally will be by Ben Kissam (32 Reviews)    Price verified 14 hours ago

Three years ago, his life was a mess. He hit rock bottom and knew he needed to change. Then, he ordered five self-help books from the internet. Now, he's a successful person. He runs his own lifestyle business, puts butter in his coffee, and quotes Nietzsche at parties. And in this groundbreaking how-to success manual, he'll teach you how to be successful just like him. You'll learn things like: - The keys to ditching all your loser friends (who have prevented you from being successful to this point) - Proven strategies for being overly optimistic, if not obnoxious, about how much you enjoy failure - How to 'win the day' with your morning routine, then lose the afternoon (guaranteed) - How to chunk down your goals and (literally) eat an elephant- How to craft edgy content with the f*cking f-word in the title

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Not So Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia (8 Reviews)    Price verified 15 hours ago

Love... Who needs it? I don't know if this just comes with age or what, but I'm less patient with my relationships, when I should probably be more patient. The first sign of any drama, no matter how sexually starved I happen to be, and I lose her number. Perhaps this makes me unpopular with the ladies. Maybe I'm getting a reputation. Meh What I am hoping is that by reading my take on the whole mating game, you'll have a better appreciation for whatever predicament you're in, be that anything between marital bliss and been lovin' your fist. Karma Kicked Me Sure, I'm bitter sometimes. Aren't you? How many times do you let karma kick you before you become jaded like me, and begin to expect it? So, you're pissed. He dumps you for a skank-hole. Go ahead and be hurt -- that's natural. It's an ego slap. As you get older, you'll begin to take these more in stride. Sure, you'll complain about it to a friend, relative, or co-worker, but you'll get over it. Look at this book as my way of getting over it. A collection of irreverent, sarcastic, vulgar, crude, whatever-you-call-it essays containing my odd perception of life, which might actually lower my blood pressure by writing, and generate a giggle or two for the reader. WARNING: F-Word Used Over 160 Times Before we go any further, let me warn you that I love to cuss. F-ing love it. You're going to read plenty of bad words, so reading aloud is strongly discouraged, unless you're in church. Also, since I have taken certain liberties with our language, and I am a bit whiny and insensitive, I've decided to enhance this tome with -- drum roll, please -- recipes! Yay, Recipes! Cheers, my dears.

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Still a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia (35 Reviews)    Price verified 15 hours ago

Dating is a humorous struggle for a recently divorced man who has no clue what women want. Excerpt from Still a Nice Guy - What's Your Sign? Astrology is bullshit. That doesn't keep people--including First Ladies--from making decisions based on their horoscopes. Some women decide if they are compatible with a man based on his sign. "Oh, you're a Virgo? Well, then this will never work." She's right; it won't, because I don't want to waste time with a deluded person. It's time we come up with a new set of signs, and I'm just the man to do it. • Hairies. Featuring Greeks and Italians, this group includes people with constant shower drain clogs and an arsenal of clippers and razors. • Saggyderryarius. Old folks with droopy butts. • Whorpio. Also known as "sex junkie," obsessed with enjoying the finer things in life in exchange for putting out. • Borus. This includes people who dominate every group event and keep us all on the edge of our seats with their Facebook updates, or so they think. • Gleeyo. One with obnoxious laughter hiding a deep depression. • Hebra. Man with boobs. • Ginani. Martini addicts. People who drink from triangular glasses and act catty. • Furgo. Women with hairless privates that make it easy for men to find glory while fantasizing about their high school sweethearts. • Glancer. Voyeurs who can't talk to women without staring down the cleavage. For you blue-collar types: • Construction Zone. Visit Del Mar, La Jolla, or Scottsdale to discover wild packs of these Botox-laden beasts. • School Zone. Cougars out to teach youngsters how to make a Cosmopolitan and find the G-spot. • Yield. A sign of indifference. I use this one often. It represents someone who would rather receive directions than guess what you want. It also means that I don't care what your sign is.

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

I Heart Movie Lists by Duane Bradley (7 Reviews)    Price verified 6 hours ago

WHAT LINKS JAMES CAMERON, RONALD MCDONALD, BILL COSBY AND DONALD TRUMP? WHICH DIRECTOR CHANGED HIS NAME TO "JESUS CHRIST II"? WAS PORN RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SUCCESSFUL LAUNCH OF THE VCR? Sometimes reading about movies is more fun than watching them, so if you're bored by formulaic Hollywood blockbusters, this is the book for you. I Heart Movie Lists will give you a glimpse of the egos, conflicts and eccentric personalities in the movie industry as the authors struggle to answer the age old question, "What Were They Thinking?"

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

How to Date Men by Phil Torcivia (23 Reviews)    Price verified 9 hours ago

So, you want a man? Allow me to guide you through the jungle of hairy beasts. 99% of your romantic relationships have failed. You are the common denominator, so logic would say you suck at relationships. The problem isn't in the picker, it's in the picking. In this book, I lend my expertise as the datee, not the dater. I'm the man who knows men, and how you can net the one you want (for the time being). True, we men are slightly different, so you need to approach your prey appropriately. Don't go hunting birds with hammers. Let's say you'd like to date a married man whom, I assume, you're not married to. That's quite an evil desire, according to some. I'm not here to judge. Perhaps you want to bed a man who desperately needs something new, and who will leave you alone thereafter. Fine. Well, you need to approach this fellow a certain way. (It's in here.) Learn how to net Mr. Right. After reading this book you will know how to approach all types of men, including: • Older Men • Short Men • Brown Men •... and many others. It works. I've gotten women laid. "Phil guided me through meeting the man of my dreams. I think I'm ready for my next dream, please." - Anonymous Please buy the book, so I can continue my research... and drink better wine while I'm at it.

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Random Tavern Encounters: D100 Random Tables for Fantasy Tabletop RPG (RPG Random Encounter Tables for Fantasy Tabletop Dungeon Masters Book 19) by Paul Bellow (6 Reviews)    Price verified 12 hours ago

Random tavern Encounters This Book Contains the Following... Random tavern Encounters x 500 Barkeep NPCs x 25 Tavern Patrons x 25 Human and Dwarven Names x20 each Dungeon and Tavern Names x20 each Get Even More at... https://randomencountersai.com

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Dialing the Globe: The Exciting World of DXing and International Discovery (RadioCraft Chronicles: Mastering HAM Radios for Modern Communication Book ... by Barrett Williams Price verified 12 hours ago

Dive into the extraordinary universe of DXing with "Dialing the Globe," a digital navigator's ultimate guide to the world of long-distance communication. Perfect for enthusiasts and newcomers alike, this eBook delves into the intriguing international hobby that connects cultures and continents through the airwaves. In "Dialing the Globe," embark on a journey that begins by unraveling the fundamentals of DXing and its compelling global allure. Discover the evolution of long-distance communications from its early days to the modern triumphs of technology, and get acquainted with radio frequencies and bands that tie the globe together. Ready to launch your very own DXing station? Chapter 2 outlines the critical equipment needed and offers strategic guidance for setting up an effective radio outpost. Grasp the influences of geography and weather on signal clarity and embark on a learning adventure that fine-tunes your listening skills, from distinguishing the faintest overseas transmissions to logging significant contacts and harnessing digital modes. High-frequency band explorations await in Chapter 4, providing a closer look at the magical HF Band and sharing the most coveted frequencies among DXing hobbyists. Then transition from navigating the complexities of HF to conquering the unique challenges of VHF and UHF DXing, where aerial adventures await. "Dialing the Globe" goes beyond the technical, celebrating the vibrant social scene that underpins the DXing community. Learn about clubs, contests, and the cherished friendships formed across invisible lines. Plus, uncover the high-tech world of satellite DXing, including surprising challenges and valuable strategies for success. Future-focused? Chapter 9 delves into what lies ahead for DXing, emphasizing the emergence of software-defined radios and preserving the pastime for generations anew. Ethical practices, troubleshooting, exotic moonbounce communications, and strategies for minimal power output emphasize a ...

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Chess Tactics: 320 Extremely Hard Puzzles for Experts by Alex Terzi (13 Reviews)    Price verified 3 hours ago

Do you want to learn the same chess techniques that master players use to win competitions all over the world? Then you need to get this workbook and finish the puzzles to see how! Chess is a difficult game to master. While it's easy to get into it's hard to truly excel. Many people spend years of their life trying to perfect their game. But, with this book you can do it in a manner of weeks. In the third volume of Alex Terzi's exciting chess workbook series, you'll learn some of the hardest chess techniques known to man by solving some of the hardest chess puzzles there is. These techniques are broken down step by step so that you can understand how they work and how to beat them, so that you're never caught off guard again. Like the last workbooks, this one is also broken down into three different parts so you work your way through the easiest to the hardest puzzles, all on your own time. By the end of this book you'll be able to sit down and play masters of the game, who've spent their whole life playing, and you'll be able to win. This workbook includes: • • Over 320 of the hardest chess techniques in the world in puzzle form • All of which are broken down in three chapters from easiest to the most difficult so that you can learn how to solve them faster • Answers to how to beat these techniques along with descriptions of why they work so well • And more! Learning chess is a commitment to playing one of the greatest games in the world. And by mastering it you'll accomplish something that few people ever get a chance too. Whether you play competitively or just for fun, by solve the puzzles in this workbook you will go from an advanced player to a master player in a matter of days. Alex Terzi is a master chess player and expert who is sharing the secrets of the masters for the first time ever, so that everyone can have a chance to learn these difficult techniques for themselves. If you are serious about mastering the art of chess then you ...

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

Nice Guy Island by Phil Torcivia (2 Reviews)    Price verified 13 hours ago

TOUR OF NICE GUY ISLAND You single? How's that dating thing working out for you? Getting your recommended nightly allowance of love and affection? Or are you at the point where a bottle of Pinot, a good TV series, and a pet or two are all you need? Thirteen years of being single, after thirteen years of marriage, has left me in a peculiar place -- on Nice Guy Island. I'm not the aggressive bad boy who hooks women with his mysterious behavior. I'm polite, kind, and considerate, which translates into "fucking boring" for far too many potential mates. Hence, all my paddling away from the island lands me in strong currents, taking me back where I started. If you visit my island, what you'll find is an often-sedated, yet content population of one and two-thirds (male felines, Syd and Symon). The fridge is full of beer, tuna, hot sauce, and prepared meals. The freezer has ice packs for sore, old muscles. Nothing else to see here. Not exactly Barbados. On this island, even masturbation has become tedious, so I venture out nightly in search of stimulation. These pages document those travels. May you find humor in my message -- it keeps me afloat. Yours, stranded, Phil

Genre: Humor & Entertainment

The Big Fish... At the Koper (The Big Fish Tails Book 19) by Mike Williams (2 Reviews)    Price verified 13 hours ago

The Big Fish takes to the seas once more having seen off Covid, the Queen, and a few Prime Ministers too. How bad could it be...

Genre: Humor & Entertainment